When you lose your passion

I’m gonna warn you, this is going to be a little cheesy and “inspirational” in nature. I graduated in May. I graduated, worked at my internship for several months, got a job and lost my passion. I am the cautionary tale. But I am the cautionary tale that we aren’t really talking about. So let’s talk.

I haven’t written for months. I haven’t been reading much either. I was always wildly busy in college, and that didn’t really end when I graduated. What did end was many of my motivational factors for writing. While I was an English major I wrote and read all the time. I was surrounded by opportunity. And when I got my first job,I wasn’t writing as much as I wanted to (at work) and I was always tired. I was a bit dissatisfied and I didn’t feel passionate anymore. I lost it.

It has been pretty demoralizing, but I’ve noticed my friends going through similar things. Transition is hard, and it’s hard to keep writing through it all. Once you stop, it’s terrifying to start again. I’m not getting as much feedback as I once was. Not only that, but the environment is different. It’s slower paced and I have to create my own deadlines which not only produces a lot of anxiety but also is less motivating.

After a while, I started to believe I wasn’t good enough for all of that anymore. After all, I’m the one who stopped writing and reading and creating. I am the one who should be working harder, and since I can’t seem to do that, I wasn’t cut out for any greatness. I want greatness (and am definitely not very proud of that), and I’ve always wondered if I was good enough. So it didn’t take much to make me stop.

But here’s the thing. Today I started writing again in earnest. I had been getting out a poem or two occasionally, catching glimpses of ideas in the car and writing down my inspiration. I have been going places and watching/listening to things that inspired me. It didn’t work immediately, but it’s starting to work. We live in an age when we don’t have to have the perfect job to create, we just need a computer and some self-enforced determination. We can make cool things and share them. We can get back in the game.

I am not alone. You aren’t alone. Whatever has made you think you’ve lost your passion won’t last forever. I’m not out of the woods yet, but I’m finally making steps in the right direction again. So today I’m going to celebrate that. I’m going to write into an abyss and hope someone hears me. My fear, anxiety and doubts won’t stop me. They don’t have to stop you either.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s